You're Not The Universal Sewage System!

Hello!

You're Not The Sacred Sewage System For The Universe

So many women everywhere meet up with others and listen, fully open. 

Full of love, and yet end up ill... gripped with stomach pain, migraine and wondering how on earth could you go on a coffee date and come home feeling so ill?

Well, I've written you some words to explain, and support you to make sense of it all...  

If this helps, please let me know!  

I Love to hear from you <3 OK... here goes...

For every woman who feels the tightness
in her gut after coffee with her friend.

For every gentle soul who learned too young
to swallow other people's pain —
this is for you.

For your beautifully absorbent,
brilliantly alive nervous system
that was never meant to be a sponge.

An invitation to remember
your body is not a bin.
Your love does not have to mean your sacrifice.

Read my words as a reclamation,
as a soft rebellion,
as a promise
that you are allowed to stay whole.

Sometimes I think my nervous system
should come with a warning sign that says:
Highly absorbent —
Handle With Care!

Maybe yours should too?
Because you know how it goes.
You meet someone for coffee.
They pour out their heartbreak,
their mother wound,
their fury at the world.
They drop the weight of it
into your cappuccino
and you — the good listener,
the kind one, the safe one —
you take it in.

You absorb.
You soak in their woes,
their struggles,
their tussles,
their trauma.

Your shoulders tighten.
Your belly knots.
Your breath shrinks down
to a shallow whisper
but still you sit
and nod, and care, and say:
"It's okay, I'm here, I've got you."

And maybe you do.
But where does it all go?

Your body becomes the container.
Your brilliant system freezes you still,
because you don't feel able to
flight or fight.
You can't tell them to go
find a therapist who holds
the weight of this kind of stuff.
That's it's not your job!

So you hold.
You hold it all
in your chest,
your gut,
your throat.

You absorb what was never yours to carry.
This is functional freeze —
your nervous system saying:
This is too much
but I don't know where to put it.

So it stays.
Your gut starts to twist.
You find yourself running to the loo
because your clever body
knows it must flush out
what your mouth didn't say "No" to.

And in the bathroom you ask:
"Is this love... martyrdom?"
The answer?
It's an old survival strategy
you learned so young.
One that you are now allowed
to walk away from.

Because here's the truth:
Your nervous system
was never meant to be a sponge.
It was made to feel safe enough to move.
To run, to shake, to sigh, to stomp,
to laugh, cry, shout and jump
as you discharge fear.

Your nervous system was made to feel
what is yours, and only yours,
and let the rest pass through.

So what if next time
you protect yourself first?
What if you pause
before you sit down
with that friend?

Breathe.
Press your feet onto the ground.
Whisper inside to your precious self:
"What is mine stays mine.
What is hers stays hers.
I am not here to fix, hold or heal everyone."

Place a filter over your soft heart.
Imagine your belly
is a strong oak tree, rooted deep.

You can listen without swallowing.
You can love without becoming their drain.
Glance away regularly to break contact.

And if your system still absorbs,
that's okay.
You know how to flush it out now.
Shake your hands.
Stomp your feet.
Take a deep sigh that rattles your bones.
Walk it off.
Pee it out.
Scream in imagination if you need to.
And you can excuse yourself. 
You can flee,
honouring yourself and them...

You are not a bin.
You are not the sacred sewage system
for the fucking universe.
You are a woman
with a tender nervous system
that deserves to rest.

You don't have to be the place
where other people come
to empty their unprocessed
grief, anger, trauma.

You don't have to say yes to the coffee date
when you know it's really Free Therapy
and you will end up locked in the loo
flushing out your
bladder, bowel, and guts
thinking, maybe I'm dying...?
Maybe I need medicated?
Maybe this is IBS?

You don't have to rescue them from feeling
what is theirs to experience.
That is their work.
That is their healing.
If they never feel it,
they will never heal.

It's not yours.
You get to stay soft.
You get to stay clear.
You get to say:
No thank you.
Not today.
You get to say:
"I love you, but I am not your sponge."

Tell them:
"Find your own way to flush this out.
Find a good, solid therapist."

Then, you take a walk.
Write it down.
Scream to the sea
that you're done being emptied in to.
You are not a sponge.
You are not a martyr.
You are not the world's toilet.
You are an incredible woman whose
nervous system is learning
what it means to stand, unabsorbed.

May you know this:
your strongest kindness
is your clear boundary.
Your greatest love is your soft "No".
Your biggest freedom is that you never
have to carry what was never yours again.

May you walk away whole.
May you sit in your next coffee date
with a smile that says,
I am rooted.
I am sovereign.
I am clear.

May you flush away
what tries to cling to you.
May you always stay yours.
May this be your reminder
on the days you feel
your belly clench and
your shoulders brace —
you are not responsible
for what is not yours.

May you catch yourself
before you soak it all up.
May you root deeper,
shake it out,
and let the world's sorrow
find its own river
to run through.

May you stand sovereign
in your softness.
May you speak your loving "No".
May you be free to sit,
clear and unburdened,
in the next coffee shop,
knowing you can hold yourself
without holding it all, for everyone.

May you never forget:
your nervous system
is sacred ground —
is yours.
Guard it with love,
and with your life.

And if you find my words helpful, soothing, inviting - my new book: Perfectly Coiffed Pubes is now Out There on Amazon full of more helpful, soothing, educational words for your personal growth and healing!

and if you would like to participate in my beautiful, gentle, healing Wild Love Seeds online, one-off group experience - let me know and I will send you the details!  email:  This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

love

Kas <3