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Kassi Martin's Blog

Transforming Lives through Self Expression

What Happened When I Stopped Ironing

Goddess Unleashed original art Kas Martin
I'd like to share a story with you... just one of many stories... and I know you also have your own stories too and Goddess Unleashed is a way to share and make sense of our Stories so we can do things differently and make life smoother, happier and more satisfying.

In 1996, I began having counselling and was undertaking counsellor training. I didn't know much about anything back then, but was certain of one thing: I was beginning to feel excited, happier, free and wanted MORE of it.

I was gradually clearing out all my old 'conditioning' (aka 'training' in my specific family beliefs and values so I'd fit in and do all I was supposed to do to keep everyone happy).  I had masses of baggage!  My conditioning, like your own I'm sure, was trapped inside my mind and body since toddlerhood.  

I was beginning to take stock of how my life had been all about Giving to everyone else.  Maybe this will resonate for you too?

When I moved in with my partner, I inherited lots of new "tasks" I hadn't even considered.  The bane of my life in 1996-7 was the requirement of MANY pristine, police officer, (man-size) shirts to wash, dry and iron (throwing eyes skyward whilst pretending to be a happy, good, hardworking 'wife' even though I'd not long moved in... I learned a hell of a lot from this experience I can tell you!)

Oh! Did I mention all the school uniform shirts/trousers/skirts too?  Not only had I gained a new Partner, but I gained a child too.  Hmmm.... good job I was having counselling!  In all honesty, I didn't think like that back then... I was only in my 20's and knew very little about anything much and everything I have learned has been ploughed into Goddess Unleashed.

But let's get back to the Ironing!  A lot of ironing and quite frankly I was getting pretty sick of it.  I can't believe how I just 'got on with the job'!?  My conditioning had totally brainwashed me!!!

Nowadays, this BIG Red Flag would be slapping me wide awake... but back then I was an oblivious People Pleaser who Gave above and beyond to just about anyone and everyone.  (My life was definitely in need of Big Change.  If only Goddess Unleashed had been around for me back then!)

So, I have this theory... you may think I'm paranoid.  I've been told (gaslighted) that I am paranoid many times, over many decades (mostly by men but not all).  My theory? That 'man & god' ie: Patriarchy, created all these 'tasks' for woman to complete daily to totally exhaust her from dawn till dusk:

looking and smelling great
immaculate hair
having and raising children
dusting/hoovering/cleaning the home
walking the dogs (there were two)
taking the kids to and from school
be a great mother
socialise at the schoolgates but never go out on a school night (or any night preferably - just remain totally available 24/7, 365 days a year, dedicated to partner, kids, home, pets
be a wonderful wife/partner
shop/cook/cleane,
iron neatly (so they can throw them on a chair, dirty and crumple everything to be repeated endlessly until I die)
remember birthdays
stay in shape and look forever young
smile whilst grilling burgers in time for match of the day 10 pm Saturday night when he's on backshift
etc, etc.

You get the gist of it? Of course you do... because I imagine you've been here yourself?

Imagine for a moment... if you saw a job advertised with all of that lot on the Job Spec... the majority of it listed on the Essentials List and over on the Desirable side it would say: Clean Driving Licence, have stamina and resilience to keep going from dawn to dusk without a frown or frustrated word uttered...even when vomited all over the newly ironed uniform ...would you apply for this job?

Oh and of course... there is no Pay, nor Pension Plan or Sick Pay ...If you're sick you will still force yourself out of bed to keep going regardless because your Conditioning modelled this to you as you were growing up by your mother-figure, grandmother figure and all other aunties and woman authority figures in your world back then, in films.. within subliminal advertising... it was Everywhere!

Truthfully... did you grow up believing your life would turn out to be the treadmill that it is? Nope. Me neither!

I had wonderful, wild ideas of being a writer and artist living in San Francisco! I would travel the world, writing everywhere I went.

A 'man' did not feature in my life ahead.  I just did not have any desire to be in a relationship whatsoever unless it was a horse or a dog.

Nor was having a house to clean or kids to birth, raise and protect (for the remainder of my life).  Be honest... were they on your list?

I believe we are completely conditioned and brainwashed into this shit.  And be honest... did you do this to your children?  Me too... it's all we know until we learn something different such as Goddess Unleashed!

I'm VERY interested in what Was on YOUR List back then?  I want to hear!  I mean this by the way - this is something you might need to know about me... I am genuinely interested in others.  It is a massive part of what I do in all aspects of my work.

I really care a Lot and want to encourage all Woman out of the Tight Spot they find themselves in and help ease them into something comfier and more congruent to who they truly are. (and you may not know what this is yet having been conditioned to the hilt in childhood to be what you have become - don't worry this is completely reversible).

I REALLY want to hear what lit you up.  What made you smile and squeal with excitement?  What made you leap out of bed and brush your teeth?  What did you Love at school - home time perhaps?  What did you want to become?  By the way, I don't mean a nurse or teacher or whatever the school career counsellor 'advised'... I mean WHAT Did YOU Want To Do with Your Life???  REALLY asking, really truly mean it! and it may be that you wanted to be a teacher or nurse and if that is what you Really Wanted then I am completely happy for you... and I want to know what you Really wanted to do - write a list... there are usually a number of things, not just one.

Oh yes… so back to my ironing story!

There I was as my counselling experience began to kick in and I got a taste of excitement and hope that my daily grind didn't have to be as was, but could be something MORE and Very Different!  I still wanted to Write, to make Art, Travel, Learn everything, to start a new Business... I wanted to do everything!!! I mean, don't you?

So the day I came back from my counselling session and made my happy Announcement that I was hanging up the Iron for good. I felt amazing!

My news went down extremely badly however.  I was so happy and felt released - how could they be so mad at me?  Oh yes... who would do the ironing?  Not them, that was for sure?

Don't forget, back then, I was a People Pleaser.  I didn't like conflict.  I'd been conditioned to the hilt.  So I hired a Woman who loved ironing (that's what the advert said) to do all the ironing for me (please note the use of 'me'... I took ownership of all the ironing!

I also paid her to do all of the ironing.  At that point I didn't have an issue with this since I believed it was 'my' ironing therefore I 'should' pay for this.  I didn't have any ironing myself, because I was adept at drying my clothes flat and meticulously so I didn't have to iron my clothes.

This interim stage of paying another woman to iron For Me went on for a while.  Initially I felt ok about it, then I began to have inner rumblings.  Why should another woman have to iron for me!?  So I taught my partner how to iron his own shirts... which brought about Anarchy.  I mean we were at war...

I was hellbent that I would NOT iron and he was hellbent that I would.

For a while this was much louder and scarier than Patriarchy, which tends to be a silent yet insidious affair, rich in coercion and psychological, unspoken manipulation... but given my childhood experiences (may share more another time), I'd experienced plenty of angry, bawling men at secondary school and at home, determined to get what they wanted... so I simply stood my ground whilst vibrating silently inside my body from past trauma.

I rarely if ever iron to this day.  I started my business... Eventually over decades, the rupture from back then (there have been many more since) healed somewhat as I became more and more Myself with my own ideas, wants, needs, desires and dreams whilst experiencing Not Giving A F*ck, to be easier and easier.

I appreciate these moments of Change are not easy. Very few people like 'change'.  (It usually means having to Do something different!)

People Take To The Mattresses (fight using ruthless tactics) under these circumstances.  They dig their heels in and are determined to Win... but they underestimated my own determination To Have A Life.

I wonder how you are doing? How do you feel? What are you thinking?

Do you notice yourself shrinking and wanting to hide?

Maybe you feel ready to step up and make a stand and take ownership of your own life?

Please remember Goddess Unleashed is waiting for you and please don't wait too long... I deeply regret how long it took me to piece together everything and put things in place for me.

My Fast Track program really gets into this quickly, with lots of love and support from me.  Here's my Goddess Unleashed link for you to get your First Month Completely FREE! www.kassimartin.com/gu

Brace yourself.  I will enliven your heart, mind, body and soul…so your Goddess can break free and become all she truly is.  Your body is full of exciting Energy that needs to be released so you can do your best to transform our world.

Your Goddess is there inside of you, waiting for you to notice her so she can Unleash YOU! She has incredible wisdom, steeped in your blood and your bones, your veins are full of her vitality and I can help you connect back up with her.

We're all creative (no matter what the fck they told you) and however you express your Goddess Self is exactly what needs to be seen and heard in our World. You are needed to step up and be YOU!

Please don't waste another moment of your precious life and sign up now for instant FREE access for a whole first month to my extensive Video Library and to me.

You can leave any time you wish, no questions asked. You will never be pushed or obligated. This is not my style. Enabling your Autonomy is what is important to me.

If money holds you back, get in touch and we can negotiate what you can afford. I created the option to Pay What You Can Afford. Simply email me This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. - let me know what you CAN afford and I look forward to hearing from you.

Here is the link to find out more, and find your way inside:
www.kassimartin.com/gu

I'm waiting for you. The whole world is waiting for you. Those generations who will come after you are relying on you to be the Generational Turn for them, which makes their lives so much better!!

Goddess Unleashed is massive, and is for Every Woman, Everywhere.

Get your first month FREE www.kassimartin.com/gu

and my Pay What You Can Afford option is a genuine offer. 

love

Kas <3

Real Woman: Real Conversations - a Video
Invitation To Take Your Precious Life, Seriously
 

Comments 2

Paula Liotine on Friday, 05 January 2024 23:51

I relate to your list so much Kas!
I would add buyer and wrapper of all gifts. Writer of all cards. Maker of all appointments, keeper of all Important dates, finder of all list things, buyer of all groceries, and the list is almost endless.

The worst part of all this was the mental load. I am learning to let go of things and ask that others do some of the tasks and take responsibility for them. It is freeing. I also never iron any more. ??

I relate to your list so much Kas! I would add buyer and wrapper of all gifts. Writer of all cards. Maker of all appointments, keeper of all Important dates, finder of all list things, buyer of all groceries, and the list is almost endless. The worst part of all this was the mental load. I am learning to let go of things and ask that others do some of the tasks and take responsibility for them. It is freeing. I also never iron any more. ??
Guest - Kas Martin on Saturday, 06 January 2024 02:25

Hi Paula ♥️

Thank you for taking the time here to read and respond and importantly - share your list too!

I Really hear just how much you had to do!! So much!! You had to be their Everything!!

I am so glad to hear how you have found ways to delegate and make them step up!! Well done! ???

Yes that mental load!! It’s so depleting and demanding!

And you stopped ironing too ♥️

Thank you so much for sharing Paula ♥️?♥️

Warmly
Kas ?

Hi Paula ♥️ Thank you for taking the time here to read and respond and importantly - share your list too! I Really hear just how much you had to do!! So much!! You had to be their Everything!! :( I am so glad to hear how you have found ways to delegate and make them step up!! Well done! ??? Yes that mental load!! It’s so depleting and demanding! And you stopped ironing too ♥️ Thank you so much for sharing Paula ♥️?♥️ Warmly Kas ?
Guest
Tuesday, 18 June 2024

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