Kassi Martin's Blog
Sparkling, Introverted Empath
Sharing top Coaching Tips for Life, Art & Business
Well... yesterday was a first in many ways and probably significant evidence that my own psychotherapy journey is working VERY deeply within.
For those who know me, I'm Introverted and deeply Empathic... I can read most humans within moments of setting eyes on them, and not a word has been uttered. I believe these traits stem from my childhood experiences as well as innately who I am.
Intuitively I sense what a person needs when working Therapeutically. I intend to create and offer all that is required for an individual. It is, of course, their perogative if they wish to receive it or not.
I still have wounded Parts from my childhood, teen years and adult years. Briefly put... I would rarely peek out of my Cave for fear of attack.
So on Friday, when I found myself heading in to Kate Spade's sparkling emporium, trying on a large, jeweled Butterfly ring and announcing to the lovely man serving, that it was for a party I was going to the next day... I was surprised to hear my own words flowing easily from my mouth as if partying is something I do regularly - definitely not! I will attend under duress and hide as best as possible in every way I can.
I tried on that Butterfly ring and didn't expect to announce confidently; "I'll take it!"
Then heading in to the colourful, sparkling party shop was even more surprising. I knew very quickly what I was doing; I was offering my Inner Child the experience of getting ready for a party that she had never had before.
We had parties every year in my childhood. The focus was on Fun - especially if my uncle Jon was there - he was wild and dreamed up very exciting games and nobody ever wanted to go home afterwards. There was usually music and dancing and party food of course.
However... what was missing was 'dressing up'. I was what was known back then as Boyish and a Tomboy. I wore jeans mostly and baseball boots, now commonly called Converse.
I didn't want any fuss or bother. I didn't want to wear a dress. I didn't want my hair curled or 'up' in any way. I just wanted to have lots of kids fill up our home and feel free and wild.
So I wasn't 'missed' because it was how I was... boyish and disinterested in dressing up. I used to destroy all my new jeans by cutting off the hem and fraying the ends (did you do that?). I was a 70's kid after all.
My Mum could only do what she could with me, as I presented my self to her and the world, at that time.
My experiences of criticism and attack came regularly all through my childhood and adult years. I seem to have formed an opinion that those who are quiet, warm, loving and kind are projected on to - basically attacked and criticised - I think because we 'take it'.
So... no wonder I hid in my deep cave and rarely popped my eyeballs out on springers, let alone my whole face or body!
As time passed, and I became more and more aware that I could not allow myself to continue the way in which I was living, I finally found myself "In Therapy". This was the best thing I ever did, and set me on a very exciting path of discovery and change.
So on Friday... as I found myself in the glittery, sparkling, party shop for kids... with my jewel butterfly ring in my handbag, I felt EXCITED!!! This was SO new for me.
I allowed myself to really feel how I felt as I touched the circlets of flowers and butterflies - I REALLY wanted the Butterfly circlet! And all the colourful clip in hair pieces!!! I REALLY wanted the pink hair too! Wow... it's a first to really know what I wanted. Amazing to notice and feel all the new exciting feelings and emotions around dressing up for a party.
So... I bought myself - and more importantly, my Inner Child, the Butterfly Circlet... also the pink and cerise hair to clip in (20 pieces!) and some nail varnish and some body gel (glue) to mix up with some of my lush glitters! I felt So excited... not like me at all... I get excited about work, and running groups, and making art haha not this party kind of stuff!
Amazing Change to notice in myself.
So yesterday morning... after working in the Studio, I began having fun... attaching pink hair and doing my nails and putting my butterfly ring on. I mixed up a concoction of glittery gel.. and glitterised myself!
When I arrived at the party - everyone was already there... scattered all around a large garden and in the house too... I felt totally chilled and completely who I am - no urge to crawl back into the old cave and hide, no 'I wish I didn't have to go... why do people invite me!!??'
I was perfectly at ease, happy and content and the only person who had glittery colourful hair and nails but it was fine. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered more than connecting up with everyone and chatting deeply and feeling like me.
I may finally have become the most Me that I have ever been in my life.
All the hard work is paying off... my Therapy... my own personal art and journaling for Me... my work and my art... everything is feeling so congruent together, this feels so wonderful.
I'm not saying my Therapy has 'reversed' my introverted child self... it isn't about that at all... I know for sure that my Therapy has allowed more of my true, real Self to come out safely, confidently and with resilience to dress however I want to, and go to a party without fear mainly because I have experienced so much Reparenting through my Therapy so I Could finally become Me!
This is what my work is all about... I offer those who have therapy with me the experiences that they missed out on not only in childhood but as adults too. It is deeply impactful and life changing to experience.
I've shared some pics in the photo above which show my butterfly circlet, my pink hair and butterfly ring. Taking pics/selfies is also very different for me too... Once I'd become glittery and pink, I actually - for the first time ever - wanted to take some pics of myself to share on social media. This really is remarkable for me to notice.
One day soon perhaps I will share more about all of my experiences in my childhood which really created so many barriers for me. It is incredible that I find myself in front of a cam making videos and being seen in the way I do.
The birthday party I attended was very special, full of love and care and I received a lot of lovely comments which really put me at ease. Finally I showed up in confidence and I was treated exactly how I now demand these days... with love and respect for who I am.
Thank you so much for reading more about my journey in life.
I have exciting news coming soon about my Goddess Unleashed course too.
I am off for a lovely coffee at the train station where I can watch the London bound trains and daydream of the moment I get on the train - SOON!!!!! It's been way too long.
Take good care of you today - and always.
Thank you for visiting me here,
PS Please SHARE my blog post with friends, family or anyone who you think may benefit from my love and the sharing of knowledge and experience in the hope it helps others. Thank you so much! <3