Kassi Martin's Blog

Transforming Lives through Self Expression

Big Girls Don't Cry!

Dear Emotional You Raw & Gritty Expression to Unleash Woman


Continuing with my top Coaching Tips for Life, Art & Creative Business, I would like to share why it is so beneficial to cry.

It comes under the realms of Self Acceptance, Stress & Anxiety reduction, lifted Mood, Pain relief & ultimately, our Well Being.

These are very important aspects for our Life - which include our relationships/roles/working life/social life, our Art making - so we can feel relaxed/unrestricted/intuitive and expressive, and our Creative Business where we feel confident and free to flow, create and produce.

Crying tends to be judged as 'bad' or 'negative'. How many times were you told, as a child to "Stop crying!" or "come on.... don't cry...things aren't that bad" or "go to your room until you get a grip of yourself!" and even harsher: "if you don't stop crying, I'll give you something to cry about!"

I believe many of us are taught that smiling, happy behaviour is valued or judged as 'Good/Positive' and nobody wants to see or listen to crying, therefore it is 'Bad/Negative'.

Did this happen to you? How were you received when you were sad or upset? Were your tears welcomed? Soothed? Perhaps you were sent to your room?

It isn't just within our families... out there in the big wide world, it's the same. At school, children belittle other children for crying. They often call them a 'cry baby' in an attempt to bully them to stop crying, or laugh at a child who is crying.

In our Teens or as Adults, we might be called 'Pathetic!' or a 'Victim' for crying. We might try to hide or swallow down our tears in embarrassment or shame. We do this because we need to Belong, to feel Accepted, be approved of and be a part of our groups.  Belonging is all about Survival. Vital to every one of us. This continues into adulthood, at work, in new relationships and when socialising.

...but hang on a minute!!! Why should we Have to stop crying? I mean, Who Says?!

I believe it is really important for us to allow our body to prompt or lead us and if my emotions and eyes need to cry, I believe it is vital that I allow that to happen. If I don't, then in that moment I am simply re-enacting all that I was taught about crying in my childhood. In my family it was 'minimising': 'come on, don't cry, things aren't that bad'.  What happened in your family if you cried?

Crying is a self soothing behaviour and is REALLY great for our nervous system. When we cry, we tend to feel so much better in that moment. It's a relief when we cry. I find my body feels a lot better, especially if I had pain or tension in my back, tummy or head. I then feel calm and settled as if I'd received a great big loving hug in arms that truly care.

I appreciate we may have another wave of crying later, possibly about the same issue... especially if this is about Loss & Grief, but to my mind this means we need to release more, there is more (sadness) to be expressed and it is important to let that come out as soon as it needs to so we can feel even better.

If we were told a joke which was very funny, we wouldn't be told to stop laughing... and we wouldn't do our best to stifle our laughter would we?

OK so I get that it isn't appropriate to laugh in the midst of an exam or at a funeral... however... it could also be a much needed release of stress.

Our Body is full of wisdom. It lets us know what we need, if we listen...

I believe it is vital that we listen fully and wherever possible give our body what it needs, whether that is water to drink, cold air to breathe or to let our tears flow.

It is really important that our Body can find a way to get back to a balanced state of homeostasis and regulation. Crying actually allows us to feel better and reach a 'baseline' state of calm, settled, soothed or at ease.

So the next time someone hurts you, intentionally or not, or you receive very sad, upsetting news and your eyes immediately fill up with hot tears in response, please do not apologise for your tears. Please do not hide them or suppress them.

Allow your tears to exist exactly as they are and accept them, don't make excuses about dust getting in your eyes or minimise.  Feel exactly how you feel and let the other see how you are impacted.

Being 'real' and authentic in that moment could be the most wonderful gift the other person ever receives.  Permission to cry, publicly, without shame, without minimising or making excuses, just being how you are in that moment, is vital for you and a wonderful gift for those around you.

Most of us are raised on the 'don't cry' culture, which is detrimental to our health and well being. The 'Don't Cry' brigade is all about denial, suppression and repression.  If you allow your tears to flow as they need to, you will help others do the same and begin to squash the outdated Conditions of what is Approved of or Disapproved of.

So... please accept your truest self, fully, exactly as you are and love your self. If you need to cry, let your tears flow just as you allow your laughter to flow in those funnier moments.


PS: Unleashing The Voice of Woman - Please Share Your Story!

I wonder if you would like to Contribute? Here's how...

The "requirements" are that you identify as Woman, that it is your story to tell and let it come out in all its unleashed, emotional, and expressive ways. Don't hold back or censor yourself.

Your story could span your whole life, be a part of it, or be one event. Don't be concerned with grammar or spelling… let your words tumble out and send them to me in an email which I will add to my blog for you.

…AND!!! If you're saying to yourself "I'd love to but… I'm not good enough… I can't write… my story isn't as important as others…" I say, Absolutely You Are good enough!! Your story Needs to be told! Don't hesitate…

Please! Share your story today!  Email your Life Story to me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Invitation to Unleash Your Voice
Unleashing the Voice of Woman - Star's Story


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Tuesday, 23 April 2024

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About Me

Raw & Gritty Art Coaching to Unleash Woman 

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T: 07876 222 790