Kassi Martin's Blog
Unleashing the Voice of Woman - Star's Story
Here is Star's story:
My 27 year old is elusive. Like a deer, sometimes quiet, often immobile. Apprehensive. Lonely. A pleaser.
Tentatively she takes one step, cautiously assessing the risk factors with vigilance before taking the next step.
Able to read a person or a room, like a Chameleon, she adapts at the drop of a hat.
People-Pleasing is her defense. Survival is her intention.
Rarely were her needs considered let alone met, therefore she grew up need-less. Everything was always about 'The Other' and their wants.
For the purposes of Therapy, I place my 27 yo in an Empty Chair and sit opposite her. Instantly, I am overwhelmed by her dazzling presence and startling willingness to show up with such immediacy and willingness to give.
Her eyes are the most alive part of her being, sparkling, glistening, dancing wildly. Every ounce of her life force flows from her eyes. They enquire eagerly, reading into the depth of the other, her body keen to please.
What struck me the most? She was beautiful. Even though she truly believed the despicable words she had been called most of her life.
Growing up, she was unwanted, yet wanted. Unwanted by her mother who was absent, even when present.
Wanted by those who could see her vulnerability and willingness to please. They were intoxicated by her capacity to connect empathically, her uncanny, intuitive 'knowing' how to heal the wounds of those in need. Her limitless love and acceptance provided the most tender, safe space for others to completely be themselves.
The Want-ers were as abusive as the Neglectful.
As a child, she was coerced, quietly led away by the perpetrator, in front of many witnesses, to another crime scene ...repeatedly, from the age of 2. Sexually abused throughout childhood, no-one saw a thing, yet everything was completely visible to anybody who consciously chose to see.
She had a voice, yet could not speak.
She was free, yet shackled.
Alive, yet dead.