Kassi Martin's Blog
Unleashing The Voice of Woman
Zoie: "I was born in 1952 - I was a Pleaser. I didn't start to grow and evolve until I left my second husband who was abusive, like so many went through. But that caused me to re-evaluate my relationships and I realised that really I was inviting all relationships; friends, family, boyfriends, husbands - to abuse me. I was there for the taking, having been brought up to be a 'good girl' and always making sure that everyone else was looked after, was happy, etc, etc.
I recognised, rather later in life, probably in my mid fifties. But I started to make changes right away.
The process is slow for me, but I finally realise that friends who were using me are not friends and I have gently let them go by not engaging. If they come to me with problems I will listen, but I have learned to say 'no' if I am not able or willing to do what they ask. I seemed to have a whole lot of 'friends' who would just call me to vent or sound off with, to take them places and do things - like take them for groceries, shopping etc... but it did not work the other way around. Once I realised what was really going on, it was enlightening, saddening and shocking!
Although I wound up with only three real friends (two died the last year) they are good friends. We don't see each other much, but we are there for each other and when we get together it is brilliant.
I have been together with a very good man now for 15 years. We were both going through the same thing in the years before we got together, so we were very careful.
I am still learning to say No. Sometimes it is easier than others but it is getting easier every day to be honest with my self and The Other.
Thank you so much for sharing Kassi. It makes us all closer doesn't it and less alone with our experience."
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