Kassi Martin's Blog
Healing The Saboteur Within
Hi thereHow are you?
It's been some year so far, has it not? Goodness, I had no idea what lay ahead...
As well as acknowledging the pain in our World, which spreads far, wide and deep, I've been working very hard Behind The Scenes on the Inner Workings of my online Business, my Mind, my Heart & my Soul. They are all equally connected and I can't look at one without also examining each Part of my Whole Self - my online Business is me, it is who I am and what I offer to the World.
To say it's been tough, emotional and costly is an understatement. It is going really well however, and I am still in it, embracing it full on - as is my 'typically Me' kind of way. All or nothing! The financial investment in what I do will be worth it in the long run as it speaks of my Passion and Commitment to both You and to my Life's work. This is Serious Stuff!
I have been torn and frazzled. I have felt rather lost without a map at times. I don't like making decisions, especially when it involves others who are important to me - I'm talking about You in this case - which is why I sought out and bought in the Very Best Consultancy to support me through this period of Change and Growth.
And so we meet regularly around the board table to tussle it all out together.
Phew, what a Roller Coaster ride this one is. I have been challenged to my very Core and in fact, at that "Core" point in our discussions, I went back to basics and created my very Core Self, that Essence, Soul or Spirit that makes me the unique Self that I am - that is the large painting up in my header, above. If you ever go through this incredible Process with me, your Core Self, your Essence will be absolutely Unique to you and will look nothing like mine. It will be beautiful, that is a certainty.
As always, expressing myself intuitively, through my unique expressive art process, was enlightening and soothing. I managed to ground myself and find the Real, True Me when I was born and through this process of Soul Emergence I have managed to find my way back to my own Unique Path.
As a part of my Consultancy Process I have had to face many facts. Weirdly, the Gritty, Raw Facts - where I am found lacking somewhat - are much, much easier to face and deal with than the fact that I have created something truly special and that I am on the road to reaching my fullest Potential - if I can just stay out of my way! There is a part of me who has tried to hold me back, to sabotage, to destroy me, even.
So I went back to search, with my Trusted Other to Accompany me. We had our brightest torchlight to seek out this Part, who was cowering in a ditch, hidden, bloodied paws, wide open eyes, fearful of being Seen and yet desperate to be discovered and Loved.
She was in terrible pain. She had been running on those bloodied, worn Paws for an eternity and was very alone in the World. Her only defence was to attack which she had learned long ago through being unwanted and ignored, used and undermined. This hunted down Part I discovered, has been in our family system for Generations, passed painfully, torturously down from one Woman to the next born... oh my goodness. The realisation made my heart so sad. All the amazing Women in my Family had been hunted down in this same way, and yet incredibly they still achieved so much!
This is an incredible Awareness to discover. So painful and yet as we two Loving and Knowledgable Women shone our Torchlight onto the tortured, bloodied Creature in the ditch, we approached softly, gently, with Love. Outstretched hands, offering soothing and kindness that this Part had never experienced before. For the first time, it sensed our Love and it didn't bite nor did it run into the inky, shadowy night.
It allowed itself to receive and be held. A breakthrough moment...
We three sat together and worked through all of this. Resonance and Accompaniment are powerful, loving and cathartic gifts to offer and receive.
We sat in that ditch together, in the darkness of my Shadow just allowing spaciousness for all that was needed to Heal. The unloved, ragged Creature lay between us. Sheila had her hand gently on its boney spine and as its chin rested on my leg, my hand lay gently on its shoulder.
It was a long, emotional night and when the Sun began to rise with a gentle light, the Birds began their chorus, we three got up and hobbled homeward bound together, exhausted but with a brand new Pathway ahead.
I feel truly grateful to those who are alongside me, supporting me in ways I have never received before and as I continue to love that Part of myself who could sabotage so easily, I am filled with hope that it won't be passed further down the Generations now. I have learned that this work can also send Love back to previous Generations before me, who also experienced the painful sabotage of that wounded, bloodied Creature.
I will keep you posted on how things are unfolding. I am holding both You and Myself in Mind as I work through and tweak all that I Offer. What is coming will be sustainable and reach further and wider than I ever could have managed previously as it was.
I feel excited about all the possibilities - some of which are happening already. If you would like to undergo The Essence of my Core Self online experience, here is the link for more information: https://www.kassimartin.com/e-courses-sign-up/essence-of-core-self
You can create and explore for your own pleasure of creating a Soulful Mixed Media rich with you and you can learn more about my unique Expressive Art Process whilst you create.
Take good care of You
Awaken - Heal - Transform